visited my ah gong today. but it's unlike all other times. it seems like a blood vessel in his brain has ruptured.. and he had a stroke. so now there's no more bringing him food, no more replies to our questions, no more taking him for short walks. he's on a feeding tube now. he can't take normal supplement milk. he's diabetic. so we had to get Glucerna. market price is $2.60 a can and he needs 4 of them a day. that's roughly $300 extra a month, on top of the extra we have to pay the home for the feeding tubes and other equipment.
looks like i really have to get a job soon. a full-time one. i don't deny that money is a problem. but the saddest thing is the state my ah gong is in now. it's really hard having to see him like that. but yet, i dare not let myself get too emotional. i'm afraid. all of us are. i don't ask that he'll recover fully, just that he'll be better and not have to suffer so much.
i don't have much memories of him, other then those in which he teases my cousins and myself.. and after he got sick. but my ah ma and aunt says that i'm one of those he loved the most, that i'm the only one who can get him to give me money to buy sweets...
visited my ah gong today. but it's unlike all other times. it seems like a blood vessel in his brain has ruptured.. and he had a stroke. so now there's no more bringing him food, no more replies to our questions, no more taking him for short walks. he's on a feeding tube now. he can't take normal supplement milk. he's diabetic. so we had to get Glucerna. market price is $2.60 a can and he needs 4 of them a day. that's roughly $300 extra a month, on top of the extra we have to pay the home for the feeding tubes and other equipment.
looks like i really have to get a job soon. a full-time one. i don't deny that money is a problem. but the saddest thing is the state my ah gong is in now. it's really hard having to see him like that. but yet, i dare not let myself get too emotional. i'm afraid. all of us are. i don't ask that he'll recover fully, just that he'll be better and not have to suffer so much.
i don't have much memories of him, other then those in which he teases my cousins and myself.. and after he got sick. but my ah ma and aunt says that i'm one of those he loved the most, that i'm the only one who can get him to give me money to buy sweets...
Our Deepest Fear
by Marianne Williamson from A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
peace and quiet
health and happiness for family and friends
a new bball 
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
visiting ah gong @ 8:16 PM 
friend @